Category Archives: women

Blaming the victim

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This is just too, too much.  And all too common.

I mean, really, this line of questioning is just soooo over the top: (from the link to the Daily Tar Heel)

“The woman student said to me, ‘Landen, as a woman, I know that if that had happened to me, I would’ve broken up with him the first time it happened. Will you explain to me why you didn’t?’” she said.

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WTH?  She *must* be lying because she stayed with him after the first time it happened.  And using her depression and suicide attempt–manifestations of the abuse–is totally disgusting.  And to top it all off, they give confidential details to her parents!  And they’re claiming that these folks received training….?  Seriously?  Well, now, methinks that training was…well…worthless…probably based on Freudian concepts of women and sex .  /snark

(In the comments section of the common dreams link, the first comment is just priceless:

saskatchistani •

Ms. Gambill is probably happy she doesn’t live in one of those oppressive Muslim countries.

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Domestic violence victims, whether they be abused sexually, or physically (with fists) or verbally will NOT likely leave after the first time the abuse happens.  As I posted here, he will say “I’m sorry.  I love you baby, I’d never want to hurt you. It will never.happen.again.”  And she’s hooked back in.  This is what they call the “honeymoon period” where they will get along great and everything seems like it is going well.

…until the next time where she asserts herself and he again abuses her to control her.

It is inexcusable that this “court” was abusing the victim all over again, which is what the question above is–it’s not about trying to find out what happened–it’s about assigning blame.

And it’s ALWAYS the woman’s fault.  She made him do it.  She was uppity.  She didn’t cook the meal right, or clean the house right or make love to him enough times that week…whatever the excuse is…

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Along those lines is the Pestorius case.  He beat her with a bat before he shot her. There was one report of another former girlfriend who was glad to get away from Pistorius because of his abuse.  But you didn’t hear that from the news networks.  ABC News was worse than most with a *cough* report that put Pistorius in the best possible light–highlighting another former girlfriend who said he was great.  It was so lopsided I sat there in stunned disbelief.  It never brought up the fact that if Pistorius had to have taken the time to put on his prosthetics, he would have had time to see that his girlfriend was no longer in the bed…wouldn’t that be a signal that she was the one in the bathroom?

And what have I heard from the networks now that this new information about him beating her?  Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

See…if you’re a famous athlete, you can get away with murder, folks.  Just ask O.J. Simpson.

Selling of the war

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Rachel Maddow has a special out on the selling of the Iraq War.  Unfortunately, I’m at a computer with no sound today, so I can’t listen to this piece.  I hope that she holds Hillary Rodham Clinton accountable, and the other dems who were all too happy to go along with the charade.

Gluten and dementia

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I’ve touched on this previously, but wanted to put out the links I’ve found about the connection between Celiac and dementia.  This really hits home because of my Mom’s suffering, which I am more and more positive comes from undiagnosed Celiac.

This is an interesting link about how someone might have Celiac, but the symptoms are neurological, not in the gut.

From the site:

British clinician, Dr. Maios Hadjivassiliou, a world renown authority on gluten, reported in The Lancet that gluten sensitivity can be at times exclusively a neurological disease.2 In other words, people suffering from gluten intolerance can have absolutely no digestive symptoms but will have issues with brain dysfunction.

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This is my Mom, in a nutshell.

Here’s another short and sweet site with a connection. Note that it says that the Celiac diet only helped one patient.  I would question that because the sample is too small and it doesn’t state what exactly the person was eating.  I have actually seen sites and cookbooks that claim to gluten free and they had gluten in the recipes.  And I would also want to know if the diet contained GMO food, which is also suspect at causing Celiac.

Another site here. Note that they say they saw a reversal of symptoms…nothing short of miraculous!

They often talk about how our compromised gut allows Candida (yeast) to get waaaay out of control, which also affects brain function.  They talk about it here on celiac.com and a post here on the NY Times site –-these are very good descriptions on what we go through–it’s also a good description of heavy metal poisoning sufferers. Note IrishHeart’s description of holding her husband’s sleeves when they went out–that shyness/autistic-like symptom.  Been there, done that…still have *those* days…

Another neurological affliction linked to Celiac is Ataxia–your balance is off and you look like you’re drunk (walking sideways)  when you walk.  People have been mistakenly diagnosed with multiple schlerosis when their symptoms were from Celiac disease.

Remember the teacher who wanted to carry a gun in school?  Remember the constant movement of her eyes?

From the site:

About 80% have problems with their eyes, in which their eyes move involuntarily back and forth.

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Now look again at that video here. I would say she’s probably a Celiac and has heavy metal poisoning.  (That will be $100 for a diagnosis. :p )

Once again, I am in awe of our miraculous bodies and how the body will constantly try to fix itself….if only given the proper tools of organic (gluten free) diet, clean air, clean water, and exercise….

 

 

 

Like the bad penny that keeps resurfacing…

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…Dick Cheney has emerged once again to darken the airwaves…

As Jon Stewart illustrates, you don’t even have to be credible in your assertions to be put on the tube.  You could be wrong about everything and because you’re a conservative hack, you’re given more air time than someone with half a brain who is fair in their assertions.

I was watching a bit of Charlie Rose this morning, and didn’t realize his was conservative-leaning until this program–which was about fixing the economy.  Since I came in on the last part of it, I didn’t catch who the three white guys were who were speaking.  They all seemed to be conservative and wanting to cut “entitlements” (how I am beginning to despise that word–these are programs that people pay into their whole lives!) and they pretty much spewed the conservative lies about how Social Security was going to have to be cut or other programs were going to have to be cut  in order for Social Security to survive.

Paul Krugman’s take on the S.S. program.

From the article:

Social Security has been running surpluses for the last quarter-century, banking those surpluses in a special account, the so-called trust fund. The program won’t have to turn to Congress for help or cut benefits until or unless the trust fund is exhausted, which the program’s actuaries don’t expect to happen until 2037 — and there’s a significant chance, according to their estimates, that that day will never come.

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President Obama mentioned Alan Simpson again last night in his speech….<sigh> …the guy is an ogre who believes he should be blessed while others suffer….

His 310 million teats comments. (hat tip to David Dayen at firedoglake.com)

And then there’s this. Greedy geezers? Seriously?  Does he not know that nobody is rich off of Social Security?  That it’s really not enough to live comfortably?  I suppose they should be happy they’re not eating dog food, but perhaps that is what he would like–that would show those “greedy geezers” for wanting to have enough money for food as well as rent, utilities, gas for the car (if they’re still able to drive, if not, money for a cab or public transportation), and heat in the winter.

(One of the sites I visited made a point that Simpson has been on the public dole for fifty years. )

Sure, I think Social Security and Medicare should be cut…

…let’s start with your benefits first, Alan Simpson (along with all of Congress).

 

Because it’s better to be mean and slim…

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…than fat and…well, fat and anything else…

Seriously, if you can’t look beyond a person’s physical appearance to see their true nature and humanity, then there’s nothing I can say to help you…

A story on the heartless remarks.

I am soooo sick of the attack on women’s appearance.   I have a sibling who is big, and she suffers injustices all the time from people who don’t even know her.  She is the sweetest person who would give you the shirt off her back, and for people to judge her on her size alone is shallow and contemptible.

I was thinking about this and how it seems that it’s become part of the bullying culture that is now the U.S. and I was asking myself “why”?

Well, with judgment shows like “Survivor” and “Weakest Link” and other garbage masquerading as entertainment, one doesn’t have to look too far as to why we’re so much more judgmental of each other.  Anyone who doesn’t fit the “perfect” model is to be judged, scorned, ridiculed, and disposed of in short order.  Because the person’s value isn’t in their humanity, but in how much they can gain for themselves…..

It isn’t about seeing the positives a person has and what gifts they bring.  It’s not about how each person has a gift to give, but about picking the “perfect one” who we raise up above the rest…

…and life just isn’t like that.

And I love what Gov. Chris Christie did the other night on Letterman.  What a great way to put it back into Letterman’s lap–very funny.  (and this is coming from someone who doesn’t agree with Christie on public/private/charter schools).(Personally, I do think he should cut out the gluten–probably has gluten intolerance, too, but that’s just me.  Also, someone needs to tell him about the cholesterol myth–that the studies linking high cholesterol were flawed, because he believes the myth that if his cholesterol is okay, then he’s healthy.)

Also, nothing is stated about the effects on GMO’s and the obesity rise in the U.S.

This cannot be stated enough.  Being fat does not mean you’re automatically unhealthy.

If I could live to be 100 by not eating gluten-free donuts (or cakes or bacon or whatever treat they say is bad for you)….but I could only live to 70 eating those things, I’d take the 70 and call it a good life.  I mean, what’s the point if I’m going to live to be 100 but can’t enjoy food?? Screw that.

And, lastly, let’s remember Jim Fixx.  He’s the guy that was an avid jogger and he died of a heart attack while running.  And you know what?  That is how I want to go out–doing something besides rocking in a chair or lying in a hospital bed  or worse, a nursing home bed, waiting to die.  People say “oh my!” when they hear of someone who was skydiving and died, but that’s what I would want to be doing.  Criminy, it’s not life if you’re home sitting on your arse, watching the world go by.

And while I’m on the heart attack thing–for the longest time the medical profession ignored the symptoms of heart attack in women “because they just didn’t get them”.  Then they began to discover that women were having heart attacks, but were not diagnosed because of doctor’s ignorance and prejudice.  Some women were autopsied and it was discovered they had had several heart attacks in their lifetime.  Now I hear that things have changed, and women are being diagnosed now, as their symptoms are different.  The medical profession has hopefully realized that women are different than men!

The Pope

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As you may have heard, the Pope is resigning his position.  An abuse survivors group has spoken out about it.  Perhaps they’ll get someone who will propose women for the priesthood and someone who won’t turn their back on child molesters masquerading as priests?? And hopefully someone who wasn’t part of the Hitler Youth?  One can only hope…

 

 

 

…because God despises women….

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Sarah Silverman’s sister was detained for…brandishing a gun? Nope. Threatening someone with a knife? Nope.  Throwing bricks through windows? Nope.

She wanted to pray.

…she wanted to be recognized as her brother’s equal in the eyes of God by praying at the holy site.

Good on the men whom have supported them, too.  And I even have to give Netanyahu a hat tip for his trying to find a way to allow the non-Orthodox women to pray there. At least, I hope that he is sincere in his speech, but one never knows.

A Man’s View

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Continuing along the thoughts on Friday’s blog~~~

I don’t mind telling you that this blog brought tears to my eyes. Really stunning to read such honesty and depth.  And he’s not gay! (meaning that, as Patrick states, most gay guys “get” women and their perspective, but straight guys, especially straight white guys don’t.)

From the interview:

Growing up in my house, feminism was actually a positive word. My mother, who is a strong woman, has always identified as a feminist. Despite this fact, she found herself being mistreated by my father. This just goes to show that even strong women — even feminist-identified women — can find themselves involved with men who treat them badly.

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This was so powerful…because in the finger-pointing department, when blame is being handed out, it’s always the woman’s fault if she is mistreated.

This, too, was powerful:

Seeing the way she was treated, and experiencing mistreatment myself, showed me that boys who grow up in violent households do not have to follow the path of the abuser. Instead, we can follow another path — the path of empathy for our mother, and that we can become allies in the struggle for women’s equality, rather than just another violent enforcer of male supremacy.

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This is the thing that is so hard to understand:  why do some men recognize what was done to them and their mothers, but then go on to abuse others?  Why do some choose that path and others fight against it?

And this reinforces my thoughts on a previous blog on how some folks are abused but do not go on to continue the abuse.  I’m thinking there are more out there than is being acknowledged, because they aren’t the ones being arrested for committing acts of cruelty…they are the ones quietly living their lives without repeating the abuse…

…but that also doesn’t mean that all of those committing acts of cruelty are being dealt with by society…such as men who beat their mates, but the mates refuse to press charges (or never call police to report it.)

Further down the post, Patrick goes into what defines feminism–and how women themselves cannot agree on the definition. I know that I don’t.  As I’ve posted before, I believe in equality, but I don’t think abortions should be performed after six weeks’ gestation.  But feminists don’t see it that way–they feel a woman should be able to have an abortion any time she wants it–right up until birth.  I can’t in good conscience agree with that thinking.  In the feminist world, that automatically excludes me from being called a feminist.  This point of view wasn’t easy to come by, either, as I have seen the photo of the woman dead on a hotel room floor with a hangar protruding from her vagina.  I don’t want to see women in such desperate circumstances that they resort to that–it is much better to have safe, reliable contraceptives available to her. (Yes, men should be responsible for contraception, too, but since she is the one who will be most impacted by a pregnancy, and he could be unreliable, she needs to take responsibility for her own sake.)

Feminists in the 70s were so anti-homemaking that women who chose this route were treated as if they were mindless dummies.

It’s an odd circumstance that things that defined us as women–the home, childbirth and raising children, became so hated.  It’s as if they wanted us to become equal by embracing the stereotyped attributes of men.

In other words, we could only be thought of as valuable and therefore equal….if we became men…

…and the unintended consequences of that is the world tilted even more towards the masculine and diminished the feminine.

What we need to right the world is to once again embrace the feminine as valuable–to recognize that one can be soft as well as strong and that those two attributes don’t have to be mutually exclusive.  That we can prop each other up when one is feeling weak, instead of attacking.  That it’s okay for women to have an opinion different than a man’s and it’s just as valid and valuable. That taking care of the Earth is the feminine that needs to be honored.

There’s more to write, but perhaps for another day.  I’m out of time.

Rihanna

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I usually try not to comment on stars, but this is just too much and I have to say something.

I would think that community service would be better spent working in a domestic violence shelter.  Or some other service that actually would have an impact on him, because as the article states, he still has a violent temper and is not addressing it.  He just doesn’t get it.

The article states that he had logged 701 hours in seven months.  701 divided by seven means he had to have performed 100 hours of service in each month–the equivalent of three hours per day, roughly.  Yeah, I’d be a questioning the truth of that, also.

The article goes on to say that peace officers had verified the work done.  So there’s obviously a disconnect somewhere…

Going on to the bigger issue of domestic violence~~

Report on Rihanna. This report says “Robyn” so I presume that Rihanna is a stage name? Photo of her face after the beating.

Rihanna has probably convinced herself that he “didn’t mean to do it” and “he’ll never do it again” and “he said he was sorry and it was because of blah, blah,blah that he got so mad….”  (You can tell this by the above link to his demanding respect that he is playing the victim and blaming everyone and everything else for his behavior.  He is in no way taking responsibility for his actions.  )

Like every woman ever subjected to domestic violence, she is probably blaming herself.

She tries really hard to please him.  He calls her stupid, lazy, worthless.  She tries harder to please him, but every day he finds something to criticize about her.  She tries harder and is walking on egg shells trying not to displease him.

But she can never achieve that because he will always find fault with her.  It’s his way to control her.

And if she does find even an ounce of self-worth and begins to stand up for herself…

…that’s when the beatings begin…for backtalking him.  For telling him, no, I don’t want to cook that meal again, or I don’t want to watch that movie or I don’t want to spend money on that or whatever the circumstance is…

And he’ll justify the beating for her disobedience.  And she’ll think that he’s right because she got out of line…

Sadly, I don’t have a lot of hope for Rihanna because the flags are up all over the place.  I am afraid for her.

It is a very difficult situation.  He may have a good side and that’s the side she loves, which makes it hard for her to leave.

It is said that it often takes several times for a woman to leave a relationship for good.  And it’s also the most dangerous time for her.  Women have been killed trying to leave their abuser.

And he won’t change unless he sees that his controlling behavior is a problem.  He won’t change unless he wants to.  No one can make him–it has to come from within.  He has to want to change.  Most abusive men don’t see that they are the problem.  They see *everyone else* as the problem.

And this cuts across all socioeconomic levels–professionals as well as blue collar; whites as well as blacks; judges, doctors, police, and politicians….there are no boundaries.  And someone who could seem so “nice” in public can be a monster in private….

Here’s the national domestic violence hotline.  800-799-SAFE.

Domestic Violence Statistics.

Here’s a recent story on a young boy who shot his father as a result of domestic violence.  Incredibly, they aren’t seeing this as self-defense, even though the father was beating the children.

And another story that may not seem related to this, but is–a young 5 year old girl in a California day care was having oral sex with the boys there.  That child had to have seen that somewhere because five year olds are too young to engage in that behavior unless they had exposure to it via p_rn or,  as I suspect, being molested.  I fear that she was subjected to this at home, and was acting out.  I can only hope that someone recognizes this and will get to the source of her abuse and get her the appropriate help.

What a troubled world.