Category Archives: mothers

Continuing the violence against women

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Why is this article trying to make Jovan Belcher out to be some sort of compassionate person who is a victim in this tragedy?

He’s not.

He’s a bully who couldn’t have his cake and eat it, too, and took his girlfriend’s life when she objected to his fooling around on her.  It’s especially poignant that he lost it when she went out and enjoyed herself for an evening without him.

He had a choice on whether to pack up and leave because things were not working out, or kill her and himself.  He chose to take her life…he is not the victim in this scenario.  And he chose to leave his daughter motherless as well as fatherless.

And before I get flack for not buying into the victimhood–there are plenty of people in this world who had rough childhoods and they rose above it and have made decisions not to repeat the bullying, control freak behavior.  It’s a choice.  I’m not saying it’s easy, but it’s the right way to live.

God Bless those that rise above their circumstances and stop the cycle of abuse and violence.

 

Am I in Saudi Arabia??

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Stephen Colbert has a few words on  Suzanne Venker  for repeating the same crap her Aunt Phyllis Schlafly has spewed since the 70s:  if women would just stop trying to be valued equally, they could find marriageable men.  Seriously. (Phyllis Schlafly also thought that a woman’s virtue could be detected in the way she moved her hips.  If she swung them a little too much, she was of easy virtue.

I hate to say this, but my mother thought along the same lines…she had my best interests at heart, but she was the woman of that mindset.  She either implicitly or explicitly indicated that a woman showing she was intelligent would discourage “good” men.  And an unmarried woman…gasp…an unmarried woman…well, there must be something wrong with her if she’s not married, for heaven’s sake.  She still, to this day, some seventeen years later, is trying to get me remarried, bless her heart.

The best quote I’ve ever read in regards to marriage and intelligent women is this:  (paraphrasing) “If a guy breaks up with you because you’re too intelligent and show it, don’t worry too much about it.  He’s just someone you would end up divorcing later.”  Classic.

Here’s another column on Suzanne Venker and not advising her daughter to become a brain surgeon because she will want to have babies.

Okay, I’m mixed on this because I do believe that kids need a parent–not necessarily the mother–to stay home at least the first five years.  I think these years are so very important in the development of the child’s sense of self and sense of security.  I just don’t think putting them in child care from the get-go is beneficial mentally.

But to say that the child should not strive for a career because she might want babies leaves out that the husband may want to stay home if she is the breadwinner.  She may want to have kids first and then go to college.  She may not want kids at all.

And it just is the old crap that has been spewed for centuries…the medical profession (men) actually put forth the idea that women’s uteruses would shrink if they went to college.  They got this *cough* brilliant conclusion after they noticed women who went to college were less likely to have kids or didn’t have as many kids as those who did not go to college.   Oh, yeah, and they also put for the idea that endometriosis was caused by…wait for it…women who delayed childbearing due to pursuing careers.  They were saying this clear into the 80s.  I kid you not.  It’s too much to actually look past biases and prejudice to see the actual cause might be environmental toxins and in my view, the effects of gluten intolerance (autoimmune response=menstrual blood attaching itself to abnormal places).

Correction

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…okay, okay,  I should have waited until I finished (at lunch) the last of The Birth House before saying that none of the men main characters was a good man…because Ami McKay left it to the end to unveil Hart as a good guy–he being the brother of the late husband of the main character, Dora.  Now, he helped her with some chores before the ending, but that was it–nothing even hinted  that things were going to go beyond courtesy of a brother-in-law.  Yes, well, things developed, as they say, but there again, the reader is left to wonder about much of the relationship.  I think it would have been wonderful to develop that character out.  By Dora’s choosing, they never marry, which is a great ending.  This writer has seen too many they-married-and-lived-happily-ever-after stories…real life just doesn’t echo that sentiment.

Passages and Peace

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The dear lady that passed on in our building left behind some wonderful gifts–we were apparently like-minded, but she had barriers up and wouldn’t let people in.  I knew that she had been hurt to put up those boundaries, so I gave her that space to feel protected.  It’s a loss, however, as I have learned she had a B.S. degree and loved to read the same kinds of books I love to read.

One of those books, The Birth House by Ami McKay, had me reading it all weekend.  It’s rare that I read a book through, but since I have an interest in midwifery, I had to find out “what happened next” in the book.  As one of the commenters on the Powell’s website said, I would have liked a little more complexity to the main characters.  There’s something that’s nagging at me but I can’t bring it up to the front of my brain right now–

In the book, the main character, Dora Rare, eventually marries a man who is a conscientious objector.  Archer is the son of a wealthy widow and his objecting to the war brings scorn from a group of the women, who give him a white feather to show the world he’s a *coward*.  (the book goes on to portray him as a drunk who forces himself upon Dora–another issue with the book is that there are no men who are main characters who are good guys–this bothers me greatly.)

I had forgotten about the  custom of pinning white feathers on men during the wars…

…and then I thought of how the white feather was used.  I think that would be a powerful statement–putting a white feather on one’s clothing to show the world that you were objecting to war.  More powerful, perhaps, than the peace sign?

And as is stated in the book, the wearing of the feather brings about such controversy.  Why?

Why is it so difficult to live in peace?  From my parents’ generation (WWII) to my generation (Vietnam) to my children’s generation (Iraq, Afghanistan)…none of us have known a time without war.  Living in such times makes it so much harder to even grasp what a world would be without war…to actually know peace…

Why should one feel guilty or a coward for wanting peace?

I used to think that way before my own metamorphosis, but came to  see how badly the conscientious objectors were treated–how the youth of the Vietnam era went to Canada and were told by their parents that they would turn them over to authorities if they tried to come back home.  It took courage to leave anyway.  Or how they were beaten, hosed down with water, arrested, etc.  I now see standing up against war as an act of courage.

Even now, it takes courage to speak out against war.  You’re viewed as unpatriotic.

And with every holiday being tied to the military, it gets harder and harder for those advocating peace to speak out.

And one never hears about the Quakers, the Church of the Brethren, or the Amish–the religions who do not believe in war….it’s only the religions who somehow have managed to link Good Christians with the military that are promoted.

And the question that they cannot answer is:  Who would Jesus bomb?

Pitocin and seizures

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Holy crap, I may be onto something with Pitocin and seizures–

I looked up Pitocin and was shocked to find out that seizures are one of the known side effects.

I found this blog.

And this from the epilepsy foundation community group.  This is absolutely criminal. Absolutely. There are sooo many serious side effects with this drug that it should either be banned or treated like they do controlled substances–you need to prove that there is a serious threat to the mother/child before allowed to put her and her baby through this hell.  Where is the accountability??

For my own birth(s), there was no reason for the doctor to have induced my labor(s)–it was around the holidays and he just wanted to get to his parties, it seems. Bastard.

Here’s a site on epidurals.  I probably escaped more injury by not having that.

More from the poor front…and Pitocin…

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I helped one of the newer residents with groceries up to their rooms, as one of them is disabled and needs grocery carts to get the heavy bags up to her apt.  Someone has taken the five carts we had for resident use (three were ours, that former management had allowed us, and two were ones that somehow escaped the nazi-ish electronic monitors that the grocery had put on them to stop the carts from leaving the lot.)  Somehow, they’ve all come up missing.  We figure residents are keeping them in their apartments, disregarding that others may need them.  I got chastised this morning for making an announcement over the intercom for people to bring the carts back down. They emphasized that I’m only allowed to use the intercom for emergencies.  <sigh>

Apparently, the ogre of a manager at the grocery store has still been complaining about us using the carts!  Unfreakingbuhlievable!  The folks that are disabled cannot lift those heavy bags for the trips to their apartments.  They can barely get them across the street. Same with the elderly who can easily drop their groceries while trying to get them home.  It’s freaking ridiculous.  Like I said before, I wonder how much this grocery store (a national chain) paid to have this stupid electronic system put in?  And for what?? Five stinking carts?!

Anyway, while I was helping the residents take the groceries up, one, a nursing student, mentioned that she had spoken to a woman who went into labor and was put on Pitocin.  She had screamed from the pain for hours…

…again, memories come flooding back, as I remembered my own screaming from Pitocin.  I was shocked to find out that I wasn’t the only one. I thought that I was, well, just a wimp…apparently not.

Here’s a story on possible brain damage caused by it.  If you look at the comments, there is one by a clever midwife who suggested the laboring mother get on all fours to aid contractions..

…a lightbulb went on…I was told many years ago that I had a tipped uterus (backwards).  Now I wonder if I had been on all fours, this would have allowed my uterus to progress normally through labor?   The thing that gets me is that doctors know that a woman lying on her back during labor is not beneficial for contractions and can be dangerous as it depresses the major vein.  I was on my back during all three labors.

…and I can echo the horrible pain associated with Pitocin.  And no anesthetic.  I was so out of my mind with pain that I kept saying “push, push, push” while the nurse tried in vain to get right up to my ear and said to stop pushing.  I couldn’t even respond to her or anything–a somewhat catatonic state.  And I’ll always wonder what that did to my daughter–whether it’s played a role in her epilepsy.

 

Life

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(PERSONAL BLOG)

My weekend went between comical and sad…

…I’ll start with the sad, as I like to leave on a happy note…

The gal that went into a coma in September passed away over the weekend.  We tend to look after one another, and if we haven’t seen someone in a couple of days, we start to worry.

The housing folks were notified by a couple of the residents that something was wrong about 9 a.m. yesterday, and they discovered her in her bed.  Of course, some of these folks still think it’s high school and the rumors started right away.  Irritates me to no end.  She was a good hearted person who deserves dignity.  She will be missed.

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On the more lighthearted side–

I can see a parking lot outside my window.  On Sunday, a father and son crossed the street, lugging a bike along.  The father was apparently trying to teach the boy how to ride the bike.  The boy was having a time of it–couldn’t quite get the balance thing down.  He’d get on, then fall off, get on, then fall off.  At one point, the father hopped on the bike and pedaled away, with the boy chasing him around the parking lot.  End of lesson. Funny.

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They were predicting a nasty weather front through here yesterday, and I needed to go to the grocery.   Along the sidewalk I usually take there was a patch of dirt from a car accident a couple of weeks ago.  I had walked through it several times without a problem…well, we had snow coming down yesterday and it made the dirt into a nice slick mess of mud….and well, I walked through it like normal, but lost my footing.  I did the sway back, lean forward, sway back, lean forward thing in trying to stay upright….but alas, lost the battle and slid into third base.  I thought the worst part to suffer was my ego, but after I got home, I looked at my shin, and had a spot the size of a baseball.  I haven’t had something that big since fourteen, when I tripped over a mat in gym class while running and went flying  (don’t ask me why they had mats on the floor while asking us to run, it makes no sense to me).  The swelling went down overnight and my gut hurts more from laughing about the whole thing…I’m sure it was quite comical to the passersby…I thought I saw one guy hold up a sign with “8.5” on it.  Haha.

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I saw this in a newspaper/magazine Funny Times that someone left in the lobby.   I think this is their website, but I’m not absolutely sure.  Anyway, there were quotes listed in the issue I had and one made me burst out laughing:

“You don’t know what love is until you become a parent.

You don’t know what love is until you fish a turd out of a bathtub.”

 

I think the author is Margaret Smith(?)  Arrrgh…I don’t have it with me.

I was laughing so hard that tears were streaming down my face…memories of having to do that awful task came flooding back.  And the awful moment of having one of my kids get sick at 2 a.m. after we had spaghetti for dinner that night.  Oh.My.God.  That has got to be the most disgusting thing that has ever assaulted my senses….

And so, my friends, I leave you on that note…

 

 

Big Bird breathes sigh of relief…

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Congratulations, President Obama. Big Bird lives on…:)

I know better, but I was listening to the rightwing radio last night and they were painting a dim picture of Obama’s win.  I turned it off and went to bed to read…thinking we were going to get Bush III…

Indiana voted in Mike do-nothing Pence for Governor,  and now has a super majority in the legislature…<sigh>

…well, at least I am spared Richard my-sperm-is-a-gift-from-God Mourdock…

The news on the reaction in the Middle East.  I hope this means a peaceful movement in Israel is underway….

DN! has this up on the elections.  Elizabeth Warren is animated after her win.  Thank God.

Unfortunately, the GMO lobby won and Californians defeated the measure requiring GMO labeling. Shit.

O”Reilly had a nice take on why Obama won–because people want “stuff” and Obama was going to give it to them…

Well, now…Romney has the gov’t pay $77,000 for the care and housing of his horse…has money in offshore accounts and John McCain has so many houses he can’t even remember how many he has…all because they don’t pay their fair share of taxes…now who feels entitled?

Is it entitlement when one wants to eat? Have a roof over their head? Get medical care? I’m confused.

They went on to talk about the shift away from the standard–now women and minorities are getting their voices heard. The boys of the old school are threatened…and it will probably get uglier before it’s all done.

To my sisters who were the power behind getting President Obama re-elected:  Thank you.  We can move mountains when we focus on what’s important to us and fight for it.

I want to say, though, that women have been characterized as of “one mind”–that any woman who manages to get before a microphone speaks for all women.  They don’t.

This is one of the reasons that the middle-of-the-road women backed away from the Feminist Movement–they were treated as if they spoke for all women.  Women who wanted to stay home with their children were characterized as dull twits who lacked ambition.  Women who didn’t believe in abortion but believed in equality were marginalized, also.

And the 70s Feminists who fought against alimony because it…well, I’m not really sure why they were fighting against alimony…but as this quote by Barbara Seaman, amongst others, puts it quite well–this is something that I lost out on when I divorced.  I also got less than half of the assets (with a mortgage to pay off) and my ex got away with only paying one-fifth ($20,000) of his income to support his three children.  Although I had stayed home for eleven years, the judge did not allow for that, and had instead computed the amount of support as if I had a job!!  Yes, I had a lousy lawyer–whose partner still smirks at me to this day whenever I have to trudge back to the place I grew up in…I’ve always wondered what that smirk means….

Anyway, I hope that with the election that women and minorities will do their homework, and support thoughtful politicians who approach the legislative process with the “Do unto others…” mindset…it would make life so much easier and just might bring about Peace…