Continuing with violence and women

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Really not trying to be a downer on Valentines Day, but just wanting to give balance to the dripping love fest–

First, the national hotline for domestic violence:  800-799-7233

Jovan Belcher

War and Domestic Violence connection.

Verbal abuse is just as damaging.

Laws and lawmakers that don’t protect and support women.

VAWA and Native American women.  Update here.  Thank you, President Obama.

Tribal governments — police, prosecutors, and courts — are essential to the response to these crimes, but have long lacked the authority to address them effectively.  Prior to TLOA’s enactment, no matter how violent the offense, tribal courts could sentence Indian offenders to only one year in prison. Even worse, since a U.S. Supreme Court decision in 1978, tribal courts have had no authority to prosecute a non-Indian who commits domestic violence, even if he lives on the reservation, works for the tribe, and is married to a tribal member.

Not surprisingly, abusers who are not arrested are more likely to repeat, and escalate, their attacks. Research shows that law enforcement’s failure to arrest and prosecute abusers both emboldens attackers and deters victims from reporting future incidents. In short, the jurisdictional framework in Indian country has left many serious acts of domestic violence and dating violence unprosecuted and unpunished. The reauthorization of VAWA signed by President Obama will empower Indian tribes to protect all Native American women in Indian country, at long last.

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To go a little further with my post from yesterday, on missing Native American women, here is a map of women missing and murdered.  Pretty sobering. (click on the red spots, and a list will pop up).

Black women and domestic violence.…same sad story of an intimate partner abusing them.

Shelah Harper knows all too well the reality behind all those numbers. On Nov. 7, 2004, her daughter, Asia Adams, a 21-year-old West Chester University student, was brutally murdered by an ex-boyfriend and his friend. It was in the basement of Harper’s Philadelphia home (she was out of town at the time) where Thomas Strode, who Adams had been dating for four months, and his accomplice, Simeon Bozic, beat Adams with a shovel before cutting her throat several times. A day later, the two would set the house on fire to cover up their crime. They also withdrew money from Adams’ ATM card and went on a shopping spree.

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Utter depravity.  What’s really scary is that she was only seeing him four months–this wasn’t even a long term relationship she had broken off.   Which goes to show that our misperception of the act of domestic violence being about love is wrong…it’s about possession and control and boundaries.  Someone who violates another has no perception of boundaries and another’s right to their own autonomy.
Kudos to Sheilah Harper for redirecting that negative energy and anger into a positive one by helping get the word out.

Lastly, the post of the recent show on DN! about domestic violence and how women are still not believed, still not taken seriously, and blamed for their abuse.

The next question with this is what makes a good relationship?  Well, I don’t pretend to have the answers to that one–but here are some thoughts:

–He recognizes that you are a separate person in your own right. This means you have a right to your own opinions.

–He recognizes that you have a right to say “no” to intimacy and that he is not entitled to sex.

–He values your opinion.  He asks for your advice and considers your thoughts on an issue.

–He doesn’t put you down, in public or in private.

–He sees you as his equal, as much value as he, whether you work in or out of the home.

–He compromises.

–He genuinely likes you, honors you, respects you.

Basically, it’s the golden rule–treating you as he wishes to be treated.  Pretty simple.

 

 

 

 

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